Is Pastoral Restoration Biblical? The Ashley Madison Controversy Exposes Deeper Issues

Pastoral restoration? With all the moral failures in ministry lately what's a path to restoration? To my knowledge, The Bible doesn't lay out a path for "pastoral restoration" per se. I could be corrected, but all the things I have read on pastoral restoration use biblical passages on general Christian restoration. Let me propose that is because we have made the pastoral ministry something it was not meant to be. Have you ever heard the phrase "called to the pastoral ministry". That is kind of a misnomer because the role of pastor/overseer/elder are filled by particular spiritual gifts, not this huge hierarchical position that we have turned it into. That is why the the scripture only lays out qualifications for those who practice their pastoral gifts. If a man falls into a "sexual sin" he is just no longer qualified because he is not "above reproach" anymore. 

Let me ask you a question to clarify. If a person with the gift of evangelism is caught in an adulterous relationship, does that disqualify them from the spiritual gift of evangelism? No, of course not they have just fallen into sin and need to be restored, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
(Galatians 6:1-2 ESV)

Or put another way. What if another with the spiritual gift of helps and hospitality has been found to have abused their hospitality, and had an inappropriate sexual relationship with a guest? Are they disqualified from the spiritual gift of hospitality? No they still have the spiritual gift they just need to be restored in a "spirit of gentleness."

I believe that the problem is that we have elevated the "ministry" to a place where I believe the New Testament did not mean it to be elevated to. The New Testament writers talk about the pastoral giftings as "one among many" gifts that are equal to any other gift in the body. So, in our current structure, when a pastor falls into sin it is more egregious than when a person with the gift of hospitality falls into an inappropriate sexual relationship. 

Also the modern pastor has more visibility than in the past. With the rise of the of the Internet with sermons online, and other organizations like the Gospel Coalition, Sovereign Grace Ministries, Acts 29, and pastoral conferences with thousands in attendance, and other such church planting and ministry training organizations, there has been this unbiblical and unhealthy move toward superstar attractional ministry leadership models. You can probably name your favorite pastor. Where do you know them from? Probably online. I am as guilty in supporting this as any other. How often have I watched a sermon from a talking head superstar pastor? How often have I read their books? How often have I visited their church or personal websites? This feeds the system. However, the New Testament had a completely different style of pastoral leadership. It was a bottom up, one of many, servant leadership type of shepherding ministry that was happy to be unknown outside of the congregation of which they were shepherds. 

They (i.e. The Apostles) didn't train for years and years in seminaries separated from the local body they had come from. Only to return later to another Church that they had no previous contact to. Being devoid of any real practical experience besides a one year practicum/internship, in which they got to preach one time on a Sunday where almost the whole church was away on vacation. See my point? We have to radically rethink the pastoral ministry. 

Besides all this. If the spiritual gifts are spread out in the congregation relatively equally, how many with the pastoral gifting would there be in a typical church. Probably in a church of 200 there might be up to 10% that's about 20 people or so with that gift. What are those men doing with their pastoral/teaching gifting? Probably sitting on their hands because the lead pastor has his "Kung-Fu grip" on the reigns of leadership. They probably aren't even aware they have a pastoral gifting. I bring this up because if there were 20 pastors of a church it would protect the church when one of the pastors fell. The church could carry on and the church would be able to "restore such a one (fallen pastor) with gentleness" without everything collapsing. But as is the current leadership structure, there is one pastor who has full and final authority. Elder and Deacon boards do nothing in practicality in those leadership structures. Actually they do something, everything the pastor tells them to do. This must change!

Let me be clear, I do not believe that a pastor caught in a extra-marital affair should just be kept in ministry after forgiving him, or one week later hired somewhere else. Or worse yet taking on a new Church Plant in a different city. What I am saying is that the whole system is unbalanced, and lends to a unbalanced pastoral ministry. We need a practical pastoral reformation, kind of like the great theologies that were won for us in the first reformation (i.e. "the priesthood of all believers."). That Priesthood of all believers needs not just to be believed, but practiced in our current congregations. In other words "every member a minister." 

The current Ashley Madison controversy exposes many problems and we are all going to talk about the sexual aspects and what is wrong with pastors. We definitely need to bring those secrets out so that the Church can deal with it, and seek to be a righteous and pure bride once again. But I want to challenge us to think in Biblical paradigms, and not to leave the current hierarchical pastoral position untouched. 

Pastor, please do not continue to usurp authority, but rather give it away. What I mean is in areas that the Bible does not prescribe for you to have authority over, please give your authority to other gifted men who are there already in your congregations. Train others to take your job and take your place. Its kind of like working yourself out of a job. In the end you and your church will be stronger and more protected as a result. Ultimately God is in control of His Church, and He will see that it is transformed from the top to bottom. Let us with renewed vigour make Jesus Lord, and ask our congregations to practice the priesthood of all believers along with us who are spiritually gifted as pastors, so that the body can be whole from the bottom on up. The most encouraging thing about Pastoral failure, or the Church being in upheaval is that Jesus still reigns! No matter how bleak things look he shall reign forevermore, and He can redeem, He can salvage, and mend all that was broken. My new favorite song is by The Silver Pages an old Hymn called "Jesus Shall Reign." I hope it encourages your heart that Jesus is the cornerstone of His church!

Superstar Preachers, Pastoral Moral Failure, and the State of the Evangelical Church

There has been a rash of moral failures in high profile pastors in the evangelical world in the past several years. I will not name any names, because I think that would be counterproductive, and not graceful to the families and men who are involved in these failures in ministry, envethough they had very public ministries and very public failures. In a quick count off the top of my head I counted more than ten pastors that I could think of off the top of my head in the last few years. What I would like to address is the current state of the American Pastor and church. What I do believe is that these failures in ministry are not about adultery, or pastoral abuse, or pornography, or alcoholism, although those things are very wrong with terrible consequences, but rather these are symptoms of much deeper issues that the church is facing and must face and come to terms with before we can move forward or ever be a righteous "city on a hill" once again. I want to first address personally what I faced in ministry, and secondly what the Church has taken on in leadership structures that I believe are unbiblical, and should change through the leadership and power of the Holy Spirit

The Current State of Pastoral Ministry

Pastoral ministry is challenging for many reasons, but most of all because you are seeking to lead people into a relationship with Christ. Because I want people to know Christ above all things, I will do whatever it takes unless it is plainly unbiblical, unethical, or immoral. But sometimes those lines can become a little blurred. This has been what I believe has happened to many pastors in my opinion over the last few years. The Slippery Slope starts with small decisions to not do the biblical, moral, or ethical thing. Let me explain.

Pastors do not decide one day that they are going to steal hundreds of thousands of dollars from their churches. They decide that they will use their ministry credit card once and then twice for personal items. Pastors don't decide one day that they want to cheat on their wives with the secretary, they make one decision to have a "working lunch" with their personal assistant and then decide to have dinner with her a few months later. A pastor doesn't decide one day that he wants to topple a church with his power structure and have that church crumble under his failures. He decides to change the church bylaws to get "everyone on board with his leadership." A pastor doesn't want to be an alcoholic, but he gradually slides down that slippery slope because he comes home in the evening and wants to "take the edge off" when faced with the unbiblical model of a multi-site megachurch that he is the superstar of. These are the small compromises that I have seen and experienced in my years in ministry. Men In ministry must take measures to be "above reproach."

Let me give you a personal example of this. When we moved to California to become youth pastor we were required to register our car 90 days after the first day it was in California. Of course I waited a few days too long. When asked on the form when the first day the car was in California, I lied that it had been in California less than 90 days to avoid the penalty. I was so convicted that I returned to the DMV to tell them that I had lied and I was there to pay the penalty. The woman at the DMV was shocked that I would even want to return to make things right. She even said I should not worry about

it, but I insisted that lying is not acceptable for me as a Christian and if you let me get away with it now then on another occasion I might also lie. I had to pay a hefty fine, but that was a powerful lesson for me and through that and other lessons I was able to build honesty into my life and ministry. Later on I accidentally used my Church credit card for personal use. I realized it later, and immediately went to our church administrator to pay back what I had spent. Integrity means that what you say, do, and think are all consistent with each other. The slippery slope that we find ourselves on is sometimes very hard to discern in pastoral ministry. The word of God gives us clear parameters, and the Holy Spirit will convict us of sin and righteousness.

Pastor, some questions that might help you avoid these pitfalls are, do you have a living, humble, needy, celebratory, affectionate, meditative, worshipful, loving, and tender, communion with Christ? If not why not? Has the ministry become your identity in Christ? or is Christ alone still your identity? Or do you, as I did often say, "I am not an emotional person." Maybe you need to open your personality up to godly changes. Ask the Lord to make you a tender, emotionally connected person, like Jesus our master. Lord remove our hearts of stone and replace them with hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26)!

The Current State of the Evangelical Church
I would like to address what I also see as systematic problems within the evangelical church in America. There is such a thing as an ungodly unbiblical model of church governance and I believe the evangelical church is flirting with those unbiblical models. Here are the problems we face...

1. We are attracted to the superstar preacher. If he is charismatic and funny and a great preacher we listen and good preachers gain a following quickly in our information rich culture.
2. We are not self feeders anymore. Christians have a hard time because of superstar evangelical preachers. We don't feed ourselves spiritually we look first to those leaders/pastors.
3. We have innovated ourselves to death. Megachurch structures, multi-site campus churches, and entertainment/superstar preacher driven ministries are the byproduct of our over-engineering of church ministry, and I believe are not biblical models and should die with the pastors who plant them.
4. We overlook serious moral character flaws or outright sin (i.e. the "cussing preacher") in pastoral leadership if they are charismatic and entertaining preachers
5. We have forgotten the mandate of leadership in 2 Timothy 2:2 especially in regards to empowering and multiplying new preachers and teachers. Instead those preachers hold on to their pulpits with Kung-Fu grip.
6. The entertainment mode of ministry has so enamored the church in America it is hard to imagine any other way for the average Joe who is not gifted so charismatically to be seen and understood as successful. The average Joe minister may be very successful at making disciples, multiplying leadership, and planting new churches, but he doesn't have 5,000 sermon views a week and so we discount him as unsuccessful. We need a new ministry scorecard.
7. We have forsaken personal holiness for a consumer driven brand of church. Look at the numbers on divorce, pornography usage, alcohol abuse, etc. and it becomes clear the church of Jesus Christ looks exactly like the world. How can we be a mirror of the gospel if in reality we only mirror the world. My brothers and sisters this should not be. Ephesians 5 describes how we should walk in holiness as the church...
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.” (Eph.‬ ‭5:1-12‬)

I am so sad about this current trend in pastoral failure and so that is why I am writing to at least bring the topic up and investigate some solutions to systemic problems that I see. Most of all we can pray that God would bring us back to sole devotion to him, his word, and his glorious church and the proper government of that church. The hope that we always have even as fallen pastors is that the immense Grace of God extends even to us who have fallen in ministry. God is sovereign and even when we walk through the fire, even in our brokenness, and our failures, he is there and he will and can restore us. He may not restore us to ministry, but he will forgive and his grace knows no bounds. This however does not mean that we can treat his grace cheaply or take advantage of it. Thank God! That is the good news that is available to every man woman and child. It is also available to those of us who serve the Lord in professional ministry. He has taken our punishment and wrath upon himself that we might be credited with his perfect record of righteousness! Hallelujah!

Recovering From Being Fired or as Youth Pastors say "Being Pushed Out"

Maybe like me you have also served in a church that might not of wanted you as much as you thought they wanted you. I've been in those situations on a few occasions. Years ago, I came into the new Church with a lot of excitement and energy for ministry, only to find out a few months later that some of the pastors did not want me there to begin with. On one occasion, I heard later from one of the Deacons at a Church that I served at, that the search committee had made their recommendation of me to the pastor, and the pastor told the committee to keep looking. He thought that I was not God's man for our Church. His only reason, was that I wore earrings, and had an edgier approach to ministry.

These type of experiences can be very humbling difficult for those who experience them. My guess is that you currently feel, or have felt the same way at some point in your ministry career. In the places that I wasn't wanted it was never for a moral reasons. It was only ever about appearance. I came to understand that my position was more about appearance (earrings and Jeans) and style (musical preferences) than about theology and practice (of which I am very Theologically conservative). It is definitely a difficult thing to accept, when you are disliked for your appearance or style of ministry. In the American south it was especially hard to not be judged right away on appearance. I have left churches in my past for some pretty dumb and selfish reasons, but the hardest reasons to leave a church that you actually want to serve at is when you have been "pushed out" or as Donald Trump says "You're Fired."

There are several reasons that Youth Pastors get "pushed out". I will try to address a few of the big ones, and then give some helps for recovery for you.

1. Moral Failure: This is the worst way to leave a Church. When there is something that disqualifies you from ministry that is a very hard thing, and it should all make us very sad. First of all, let's never be in this position. We hear about this more than we should. Maybe a youth pastor runs off with the youth ministry assistant. The youth pastor has an affair with another woman, or the youth pastor did something financially that was not above reproach, and someone reproached. The books were all out of whack, and in fact the youth pastor had been using the Church credit card to buy thousands of dollars of stuff for personal use, including his new entertainment system. No really that happened, not to me thankfully. And on and on we hear about story after story of moral failure until we are sick to our stomachs.

Recovery: This is a hard road from repentance, to healing, to restoration. If you are willing and you have people who love you and want to restore you, then please take this journey with them. The body of Christ can be a beautiful gracious and merciful picture of the kingdom of God when we open ourselves in these situations. Please seek this out if you are in this situation. You will be amazed and blessed on the other side. Galatians 6:1 says it this way, "Brothers and Sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves or you too may be tempted." And I also beg you Church to be a place of reconciliation and healing, not a place of shame and guilt. These awful situations can be an opportunity for the grace and power of Jesus to shine.

2. Community Failure: Maybe the community of Christ has stopped acting like the faithful body of Christ, and is acting more like an organization, business, hierarchy, fraternity, country club, or even God forbid controlling and ungracious, or something else that does not resemble at all the true body of Christ (Ekklesia). Maybe it has even turned into the "Ken and Barbie Show" This is when the church also has the opportunity to repent and change into the loving, gracious, mercy filled body that Jesus has called us to be. It is hard for the Church to recognize sometimes when it has lost the point, but let us be honest and really take hard looks at ourselves in all seriousness to correct what we have done in error or sin.

Recovery: This is also a hard road to recovery. First I would encourage those of you involved in ministry who have experienced Ecclesiastical failure or abuse to hang in there. This can be the hardest road to recovery. I would encourage you to also get with a mentor who can lovingly restore you to a place where you can love the church again. I had a mentor recently ask me if I had been hurt by ministry in the Church. It is hard to answer that when you have been hurt by these man made systems that are probably not biblical in their hierarchy. We have to recover from those power systems that have hurt us, and begin through the renewing of our minds to love Christ's Church again. If we immerse ourselves in the word of God, and healthy Church communities, then we might have a chance at loving Jesus body again.

3. Pastoral Failure: Pastors sometimes get jealous, ambitious, or otherwise do not like how things are going in a youth ministry. I want to call this Pastoral or leadership failure. Maybe it starts with the pastor sharing the pulpit. The pastor starts to think that the youth pastor is a better preacher than he is. He is actually probably right on this point. The youth pastor is usually a better preacher than the senior pastor in my experience, but what sometimes happens is the pastor then gives into is a jealousy, and the thinking that "I have to get rid of this guy or he will overshadow me." This is when the push begins for some youth guys. The pastor goes to the Deacons, the Elders, or other leaders of the Church to start the youth minister witch hunt. For whatever reason, this may have happened to you. I am very familiar with this personally, and too many of my colleagues have also experienced the "pastoral push." There is hope.

Recovery: The first step is to forgive your pastor. In your prayer life ask God to give you forgiveness in your heart for him. Some steps to help you on your journey if you are involved in the same ministry are, asking for his help. Say something like, "I feel like your wisdom and leadership could really be helpful in the Youth Ministry. Could you help me with ______?" "Could you come and give me another set of eyes for what we need in the youth ministry?" "Could you come and share your sermon from a few weeks ago with the youth?" It is hard for him to be your enemy if he is helping you. It is also hard for you to be at odds if you are meeting regularly and praying together over the ministry and Church. If you have been untimely "pushed out" write the pastor an email of forgiveness telling him thank you. Include your gratefulness for your time at the church, and what things you learned from him as a result of your time at the church. It is also hard to hold a grudge or not forgive someone who you express gratitude toward. So do those things and find yourself on the way toward forgiveness, healing, and recovery.

4. Stylistic Failure: The Deacon board meets one month and a few of the Deacons/Elders/Board Members are not happy with how loud the youth group is on Wednesdays. They are also not happy about the music that blares from the youth room. The first problem is that they are talking about the youth pastor without him there. If he is a pastor in your church he should also be an Elder/Deacon, etc. If he is spiritually qualified to be a pastor then he is spiritually qualified to be an Elder/Deacon. So make him one. If he is not qualified to be an Elder/Deacon then don't hire him!!! The second failure is that you are talking about him without him there. The third problem is that no style is more Holy than another. No style of worship is more holy over against another. First PresbyBaptiMethodist worship is just as sanctified as the "Coffee Shop Church" that meets in the underground coffee house in town. Because "Where two or more are gathered in my name there I am in their midst." so Jesus said, He makes our gatherings holy, not with hymns, or choruses, or loud rocking music, but because he is there in our midst and His presence is enough! If this stylistic failure is part of your experience then you also probably have the calling to go and plant a church. Go! and do what God has called you to do. Unfortunately we are divided into so many subcultures and they are usually delineated by musical lines, and so you may be called to a specific subculture set. Don't pass it off. Really think about going into that subculture planting a missional work there that the gospel seeds will eventually turn into a church. No matter how big it becomes you have done what God has called you to.

Recovery: The way in this type of recovery is also forgiveness. The person or persons who are responsible for making the style of Church a idol may need to be forgiven by you. If that is the case I recommend going through every single scripture on forgiveness, bitterness, and repentance to be able to work that out. If you need to approach that person, and let them know, then do that. I do not recommend it most of the time though, because it can compound the problem. Also in my experience those people are immovable, inflexible, and are usually not wrong in their own eyes.

This process of being "Pushed Out" is most often the last straw for guys in ministry and they end up leaving ministry. I hope and pray that is not the case with you. My goal at Youth Pastor Recovery is to help you 1) keep walking with Christ and 2) stay in ministry. If any of these things have happened to you in ministry I want to say, I am sorry, and hang in there don't give up on Christ, and don't give up on His Church. He is there watching after us, and there is an expression of Church out there that will be like a healing balm to your soul. God bless you on your journey to recovery. I hope and pray that Christ can become your obsession again. Here is some worship to help you begin that journey.

Recovering from Pornography, Masturbation, and Sexual Sins

Ok, yep we gotta deal with this one...Let's just get it over with...

Pornography
Mastubation
Sexual Sin
Adultery
Lust
Fornication
Homosexuality
Bi-Sexuality

There I said it. The cat is out of the bag. Everyone was thinking it up to this point, and wasn't saying anything. I just had the guts to say it out loud, or at least type it out loud. Pornography, Masturbation and sexual sins are a problem for youth pastors, not just pastors. I had a ministry colleague who was put in charge of the entire youth ministry program of about 400 children and teenagers over the course of a weekend, because it was found out that the lead youth pastor had run off with one of the girl interns. He had been having an affair with her for about a year. The youth pastor had three kids, and ran off with the youth intern! Sadly I was not as shocked as I should have been when I heard this, because I have heard of these type of things so often with pastors and youth pastors. Unfortunately these stories are more common than they should. I maybe a little jaded, that is why it did not surprise me. I am not sure why, but I kind of expect youth pastors and pastors to mess up in this area. That Is why I write this to empower you to come out of the shadows and live in freedom and victory. I want men of God to act like men, and stop this madness. About five years ago I found out about a Bible college friend that was exposed as he was a youth pastor at a large church for having tons of Pornography on his Church computer. He had a computer technician check it out for viruses, and the computer tech told Him, "I know why you have a lot of viruses on your computer, it's because

you look at a lot of Porn." In Bible college several of my hall-mates and I met together every week for accountability in the area of Masturbation, and pornography. At that time the internet was in its infancy stages, and yet we all had trouble with this issue. Years ago I was on a men's retreat and of course this was the theme of the weekend. The speaker asked all the ment to go around and tell the group when they were first exposed to pornography. I thought first of all that is a bold question! Shocking, and personal. I thought,"How could he imagine that every guy has looked at Porn?" We went around the room and every guy from about 80 men shared that they had been exposed to Porn, and the guy who was exposed to Porn latest in life was 18 years old. The average age of first exposure to Porn was around 11 or 12. Not one guy had never been exposed to Pornography, and most had regular contact.

What I want to accomplish in this post is to expose the "secret" sin that we don't talk about and have kept in the dark shadows for far too long. I want to let you know that you are not alone and this is not an issue that we can keep on ignoring and keep quiet anymore. Lets get it out into the open and talk about it! If we keep it in the secret dark corners then that is where it will stay.

I also want in this post to let you know that you can live in victory! I have also like every other guy been exposed to Porn at a very young age, and from that time on until about a year before I got married struggled with addiction in the area of pornography and masturbation. I want you to know that there is VICTORY! I have, by the grace of God, for the last 12 years lived in victory over Pornography, and only on a handful of occasions have I let myself be exposed to it in those last 12 years. IT IS POSSIBLE TO OVERCOME! Looking at pornography and the guilt associated with it do not disqualify you from ministry. If Porn would be a disqualification, then every man would be disqualified. But that does not give us an excuse or license to do it. That would be what Dietrich Bonhoeffer calls "Cheap Grace". We can't just throw our hands up in the air and say, "Oh well, I can't control it, I can't live in victory." That is not true! I am a living witness and testimony that it is possible. Also our scriptures are pretty clear that we can and shoud live in consistent victory over sin (Romans 8).

These are by no means an exhaustive list of help for these sexual sins, but I wanted to lay out several ways that we can overcome these pitfalls in the area of sexual temptation. First of all...

1. Talk about it: Talk about it first of all with your wife. For me it was before we were married. I told My future wife that this was a problem for me, but that I had lived in victory over it for about a year. I told her that if she decided to marry me that she would have to be my main accountability.  For me that meant that she had EVERY password and account number that we/I had. Bank accounts, Internet accounts, facebook, twitter, etc. and that all our computers were always set up in a public places, and that I reminded my wife periodically that she needed to check up on what had been viewed on all our computers. This may be a very embarrassing conversation, but it has to happen. Freedom will not happen without honesty, and dialogue with your spouse or a good friend, mentor, discipler, accountability partner, etc. If holiness is such a big issue as God makes it, then do whatever it takes. Drastic sins deserve drastic measures ("If your right eye causes you to sin gauge it out").

2. Be honest with your sexuality: This applies to you and communication with your spouse, but you also have to have someone in your life that you can talk about this with. If you do not then you are only on a destructive pattern. It is a lie to say that we are not sexual beings and that we do not or should not have sex drives. God made sex for our pleasure, and for us to reflect Christ's love for the Church. Please be honest about this and talk with your partner about it. My wife and I recently are talking more and more about what we appreciate and do not appreciate in our sexual lives. We are being honest with each other, and we are growing in great ways in this area. Because of it we are growing to love each other more deeply. You also need to be able to talk honestly with outside people. There are things that guys can share that are just not appropriate in the marriage relationship. Sometimes you need to gripe, sometimes you just need to dump what is in your heart, and sometimes the dark stuff in a man's heart might be too much for your wife. I know that it is sometimes too much for my wife, so I encourage that mentor, discipler, friend, accountability partner, or someone who pushes you on to holiness. Please do just that with each other...Push each other on to holiness...If God does then we should too.

3. Pray and worship often: If you do not have a deep and emotionally connected personal prayer and worship life you will never change in this area. Guys have a problem with emotions. We deny, stuff, or otherwise ignore our emotions. That is a dangerous and problematic cycle that we get ourselves into. If we are not developing and growing a loving, humble, needy, celebratory, affectionate, meditative, worshipful, loving, and tender, communion with Christ then you might struggle in this area. If you can say that you do not have this type of multi-faceted relationship with Christ, and you say its because, "I am not an emotional person" you are wrong...if you believe you are genuinely not an emotional person in your personality, your personality needs to change! You need to pray for The Lord to make you a tender, emotionally connected person, like Jesus was! It is obvious that He was emotionally engaged. It is hard to read the passages where it says that Jesus was, "moved with compassion" without thinking that he was an emotionally engaged saviour. So open your heart and let God work on your compassion quotient. 

If we want to change in this area we have to work hard at it. For me it was not an easy process, but a most awesome, humbling, and holy process,  and I am so excited to be able to say to you today that by the power and grace of God I live in consistent victory over Pornography and sexual sins!!! You can do it! Lean on Christ and the ministry of the Spirit and His Church to give you freedom and victory. 

This article below is about sexual sins and missions, but youth ministry and missions are the same thing. So here is a link to a great article about why people don't enter missions and or ministry because they feel disqualified. Thanks for reading. God bless you as you tackle this difficult and very important area of purity. 

Missions and Masturbation Article

Lord deliver us!!!

"You Got to Preach and Talk about God, Now I've Got to Go Poopie"

I asked my daughter what the best thing about being a youth pastor was and this is what she said..."You got to preach and talk about God, and now I've got to go poopie." This is absolutely true. As Youth pastors that is actually our greatest task, and should be our greatest joy. Unfortunately many times the other demands crowd out our true desire to preach the word and talk about God. It is so simple and so complicated. The 'professionalization' of ministry has often clouded the issue and point of ministry. I believe for this reason many ministers leave or "poop out" just like my daughter said, they start out wanting to preach and share God's word, and then suddenly we are "pooped out". I wanted to highlight three of the trouble areas that Youth pastors often neglect. They often lead to burnout, leaving ministry, even being fired, or having to leave ministry because they are totally burnt out. 

1. The first pitfall that most youth guys neglect is Family. Most youth ministers get their start in college or right after. In my experience they start out before they are married or have a family. So they don't know how to manage their lives when they finally get married and have children along with being a youth pastor. The thing that they had before they got married stays in its role as the more important thing. For instance in my own life I was in youth ministry long time before I met my wife had a family. Once the family entered into the picture I didn't know how to manage building, and spending time with family, and also being passionate and giving 100% for ministry. The hard part for me was before my family came, youth ministry was a big priority. But now that my family had started to grow it was difficult for me to step back from some of my responsibilities in ministry and to readjust my passions towards my family. 

Several things that helped me were to create clear boundaries. One of the main things that helped me was a parent who told me that wherever I was I needed to be there 100%. If I was home be there 100%. If I was at church be there 100%. If I was counseling someone be there 100%. This can be a challenge also in our highly mobile technology filled world. As a youth pastor we really have to turn the phone off when we are at home.

Another thing that really helped me was to make sure you take your family vacations every year. At the very minimum one week preferably two weeks out of the year. I recommend taking the two weeks altogether, and to prepare to not have any Church responsibilities in that time. Also take family retreats. Take your family with you to camp, also on mission trips or any other youth trips when it's possible.

2. Personal Devotion: I have seen over the years so many guys burnout because they neglected their personal devotion to Christ. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that if you miss your quiet time once or twice a week that you're going to burn out. What I am saying is that you have to commit within your busyness of life to daily cultivate your passion for Jesus through worship, word, and prayer. When I was a young man in ministry right out of Bible college I went to be a youth pastor of a small church plant. In those two years I became a very good professional minister. I somehow had the false impression that I could cultivate my personal devotion through ministry. What a false and terrible assumption that was. I found out over those two years that I slowly faded away from my passion for the Lord, and into a deep cycle of sin, because I did not continue in my personal devotion daily through worship, word, and prayer. A question that always helps me calibrate my devotion is, "Do you have a living, humble, needy, celebratory, affectionate, meditative, worshipful, loving, and tender, communion with Christ?" If you can say no to any of these things, and you say its because, I don't have time, then make time, or you might be punching your ticket out of Youth ministry very soon.

3. Preaching the Word: another pitfall I see in youth ministry is that the youth pastor thinks he has to get too cute. Our ministry is the ministry of the word just like the church for thousands of years before us we don't need to get to cute and try to do slick programs and try to do anything else besides focusing on the ministry of the word. Guys who burnout in my opinion many times are burning out because they have to maintain this incredibly slick attractional model of ministry. If you are in maintenance mode over a very big large attractional youth ministry you could be headed for burnout. That is what happened to me and that is what has happened to so many of my colleagues over the years. I urge you right now reshape your ministry around the ministry of prayer, mission, and the word. 

My encouragement to you is if you find yourself on the verge of burnout, tell someone, and preferably not your wife. Don't dump this heavy burden on her only and always, that is not fair. Try to find someone with outside eyes with lots of wisdom, and talk to them. Ask them to help you. ask them to mentor you. These were so helpful for me when I needed to recover while in ministry. We all need healing, and recovery! We all need course corrections. And that is why we need "iron sharpening iron." 

Lydia, my 4 year old at the time. was at youth group with me a couple years ago. I had to go to another group to make a presentation. When I came back Lydia was crying and she said that she thought I had left her and was afraid. She said, "but I prayed to Jesus", when I heard this I started crying too. I asked her what she prayed and she said she asked Jesus to help her. And I asked, "did he help you", she said "yes He did I wasn't afraid anymore." Then she said she even thought about walking home. Maybe you also feel like leaving youth group and going home because you are close to burnout. We can, just like my daughter did, ask Jesus to help us, and he will!

Recovering from a Battered Ecclesiology Part 3

Maybe, like me, you have faced ministries that slowly grind away at your view of Church. In my previous posts I addressed this slow grind in a Recovery from a Battered Ecclesiology and Recovering From a Battered Ecclesiology Part 2 please take a moment and read those posts to catch up with where I am in the discussion.

7.  Most youth pastors are young when entering ministry and have an underdeveloped Ecclesiology. This is my admission of poor theology (when I was younger), and if most veteran youth pastors are honest they also have entered youth ministry at a young age, and they also had a lackluster view of the church. We were just having fun, and hanging out with students and pointing them to Jesus. Since then I have grown in maturity (hopefully) and in my high view of the church. In the meantime in ministry I did not view the Ekklesia of Jesus with as high esteem as I do now. This hurt me in my early years because I let fun and reaching teenagers overshadow my desire to disciple teenagers into the life of Christ which is His body life. So part of my recovery was to grow in my high view of the importance, and heart for the body of Christ. Now mind you, I didn't grow in my view of the institutional church, the hierarchy, or the programs of the church, but I grew in the view that Christ's redemption reached out to people whom he called to Himself. I grew in understanding of the redeemed and His glorious work in making them the Church, making them priests, and kings forever. So my view of the people, the Ekklesia of God that He redeemed from every tribe and nation grew, and yours can too. Let Him recover that in you. Let Jesus speak to your heart how much more His Church means to His heart than just the programs, structures, buildings, and bylaws that you maneuver in daily in your local Church life and ministry. It is His Bride! We are His Bride. The Bride that he died to marry!

8. Christ (not a person in leadership) is the head, cornerstone, and leader of the Church! It is so hard not to confuse this consistently. We don't see Jesus standing up in the pulpit every week. That would be cool for sure to see Jesus preaching every week, but we don't. We have flawed, fallible, sinful men standing up in pulpits around the world every week, and we have deeply flawed pastors on Church staff, and elders and deacons who also continually need the Grace of the Lord Jesus. Our leaders are totally screwed up! This just displays the great grace and kindness of Christ that he is the Cornerstone of the church, but places men in his stead who must hold on tight to the grace of the Lord just to make it daily in this work to lead God's people, pointing to the that Chief Cornerstone. This is where I have royally screwed up in leadership. When I fix my eyes on a man rather than the Chief Cornerstone, I have lost sight of the true nature of the Church. Hebrews 12:2 says "let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith." When I have definitely let my Ecclesiology be battered is when I have let a man or a group of men take the place of the Chief Cornerstone in my mind. Let us return our gaze to the "Author and Finisher!" Only then will we recover a truer Ecclesiology.

9. Most youth pastors have the "fun" personality and so the Entertainment/Attractional church model lends to youth pastor burn out because they carry much of the burden for programming. I can remember when I realized this, that I was the fun bringer, the announcement clown, the one that everyone liked to laugh at. I was in ministry for quite some time when I signed up for a men's retreat. The leader asked me if I would do the games for the retreat? I had done them the previous several years. I had to say, "no". I hated doing it, but I had to not be the game guy, the clown, the entertainer. I wanted to be taken seriously and I am sure you have felt that way too. You have asked yourself, "When will they take me seriously?" I have a few suggestions. Learn to say "no" when the things that you are being asked to do do not fit into your ministry priorities, or into your job description. You can quickly be taxed and burned out with all the "fun" things that you are asked to do. It could also hurt your view of the church when all you are asked to do are the funny video announcements, church picnic games, concert nights, halloween alternative programs, or being the dunk tank guy every year at the Church Carnival! you can find yourself asking, "is this it?" "Is this what Jesus died for? That I am the dunk tank guy at the Church Carnival again this year?" As a youth PASTOR you are more valuable than being the entertainment door mat at your Church. So let yourself be respected and heard as a PASTOR in your congregation. Now do not get me wrong, do fun stuff, but be careful to balance it out so that you do not get burnt out, and so that your people respect, and hear you as a legitimate PASTOR/ELDER of your Church. And Church, what I am asking you to do is, that if a Youth PASTOR is hired as a PASTOR in your Church treat him like one, and make him an elder! If he is qualified to be a PASTOR in your church then he is also qualified to be an ELDER. And if he is not Biblically qualified to be an ELDER than he is not qualified to be a PASTOR! and don't hire him! So set him up for success by giving him the position that he is qualified for PASTOR/ELDER when you hire him!

These are just a few suggestions to recover a biblically Christ honoring Ecclesiology when it seems to become battered by years in ministry. Ultimately we need Christ to recover a truly honoring Ecclesiology. If you feel that fade toward a, "Is this all?" type of question, then do whatever it takes to "fix your eyes on Jesus." This might help...

Pastors I Have Known; Lessons I Have Learned By: Michael Holt

My mentor and professor in Bible College Michael Holt was very experienced in ministry and always had great advice, and knew many things about the intricate inner workings of Church life and policy. He was very influential on me in those years. We were talking about my desire to minister to youth pastors, and he shared this article that he had written many years ago in Youth Worker Journal. I hope it blesses you and helps you on your journey to maturity in student ministry. I know he has influenced me. Thanks Michael!

Pastors I Have Known; Lessons I Have Learned

BY MICHAEL HOLT POSTED ON OCTOBER 09 2009

Thirty years ago I entered full-time ministry energetic, excited, and naïve. I actually began as a church music director; "Minister of Music" it said on my business cards, my door, and the plaque on my desk. I'd been there about two weeks when the pastor said to me rather conspiratorially, "You know…you're the youth director." I was stunned. What did youth directors do? I was fresh out of college, prepared to lead choirs, sing solos, and get children to stand still in their cute little robes. Youth director? What a challenge!

As the years have passed, I've realized that God simply used that avenue to get me where I was supposed to be; music was fine for a while, but youth ministry changed lives. I haven't sung a solo in years and I sure don't miss those holiday pageants. I've learned some crucial truths through the years that aren't specifically about youth ministry, though they impact it substantially. In working with seven different pastors, I've realized that those you work for can have an incredible impact on how you work.

Brother Fred

Perhaps it started because I had this profound belief that pastors were men of God who could do no wrong…or not any serious wrong anyway. They always did the right thing, in the right way, with everyone's best interest in mind, even mine. They were supposed to be kind and caring towards everyone. That's probably why I couldn't believe that Brother Fred was so distant. We never had staff meetings unless it was him, me, and the secretary to talk about some big-time church function like a revival that he wanted to be sure was publicized on everything but the toilet paper.

So, dutiful staff member that I was, I would arrange everything around his schedule (he was the pastor) and hope for the best. He never commended me for anything, but he would be critical if something didn't live up to his standards, and he never explained those to me either. If I asked questions about anything, he had this funny way of arching his eyebrow, which let me know I must be a fool for asking such a question. So I quit asking, although I did spend some time in front of the mirror learning to do the eyebrow thing.

I should have been wiser, but how wise can you be when you're 22 and green? I was loyal, I was on time, and I worked long hours. The ministries I led grew, but he wasn't happy with me, I could just tell.

After about a year, he seemed particularly grumpy one day, so I just asked him what was wrong. He gave me the eyebrow so I gave it back to him. He seemed a little taken aback, so I just waited. "The church just isn't growing," he said. "I expect more out of you." "What did you expect?" I asked. He did the eyebrow thing again and replied "We should have added 20 families by now. It's been a year and that hasn't happened. The deacons and the personnel committee read a study and told me if we got another full-time staff member that we could expect growth—that families with teenagers would join. I told them it wouldn't work."

And then I understood: he'd never wanted a new staff member in the first place. Here I was all eager to learn, and he had no clue what or how to even teach me. So I said, "That's what you want? You want 20 families?"

"Yes, that's what's expected of you," he answered. So I went and sat in my office and wondered how to fulfill the job description I'd never been given.

Frankly, it didn't go well after that. I really think I got myself snagged into some kind of ministerial performance-based acceptance. After another year of seemingly frantic attempts to please Brother Fred and get twenty families, I was asked to resign because I "had not fulfilled my responsibilities." He showed up unannounced at my house after a board meeting and quietly but firmly informed me my services were no longer required. He did the eyebrow thing the whole time. But I learned some valuable lessons through that experience:

Ask more questions in the interviews.

Make sure the pastor is looking for a staff member.

Be sure of what the job expectations are, and get it in writing.

The eyebrow thing works really well with middle schoolers.

Brother Clyde

Soon, I took a position with a church in a blue-collar community—practically everyone worked at the local mill. These folks were great—they loved God and they loved us. My pastor was an enigma to me. He was fastidious about his appearance, yet had never heard of the word "tact." Once during a hospital visit with a lady who was having a "procedure," Brother Clyde asked, "What type of procedure?"

"A female procedure," she said shyly. By this time, I'm looking for the exit.

He asked, "What kind of female procedure?"

She replied "A DNC."

"What's that?" he asked.

Since I knew what that was, I gave him a slight nudge, knowing he was headed for major embarrassment. So she told him in technical terms exactly what was going to take place. He blushed crimson, asked me to pray, and we left. In the car he said, "I can't believe she told us that!"

I often wondered what he did all day. Monday through Thursday he would show up at the office after 9:00, ask me to go to the hospital with him, then we'd eat lunch at his favorite hot dog stand, where he would loudly harass the Middle-Eastern proprietor about the pornography behind the counter. He would urge the man to be saved so he wouldn't have to deal in this sinful filth and the man would smile, nod, and wait on the other customers while I ate my hot dog as quickly as possible so I could get out of there. I never said so, but I thought that my pastor might be using an ineffective method of evangelism.

After lunch, He would go home to study, which never seemed to be reflected in his sermons. He never asked me what I did, nor did he give me any guidance or accountability. On Thursday he would admonish me to be sure to visit the hospital on Friday because he had to go see his elderly mother in a neighboring town. Once I commented to his wife how kind he was to see his mother so consistently. Rolling her eyes, she said, "Are you kidding? He plays golf all day while I sit with his mother!" Then I realized why he was absolutely totally unavailable on Fridays, not for a funeral, not for anything, he was "with his mother." Would you believe he placed 3rd in the World Clergy Invitational in 1972? He retired from that church in 1998 after serving 25 faithful years; doing what, I have no idea.

Lessons learned;

Don't ask probing questions in the hospital. You might get an answer.

You can't win someone to Christ by condemning his or her lifestyle.

Most mothers don't play golf on Friday.

There's a lot to be said for just showing up Sunday through Thursday.

Brother Roy

We moved when I saw some greener grass. Brother Roy sounded positive—the church was ready for growth, my ministry would complement his, the leaders were open to change, etc. Boy, was I naïve! The church wasn't growing, the leaders weren't open to anything, and his wife, Rose, the faithful secretary who worked for free, actually ran everything. It amazed me that she could work so hard but never seem to do anything but get the bulletin together. Whenever I asked her to do anything, she was always busy.

Needing some storage space, I snooped around until I found some unopened Sunday school literature from the 1950s. Certain that it had been overlooked in some past church-wide cleanup, I was throwing it into the dumpster when she caught me. She demanded I put it back, saying it would be used eventually. When I told her that if it hadn't even been opened in 20 years it probably wasn't very valuable, I thought she was going to have a breakdown. She actually began to stammer and went into her office and slammed the door. I felt like reminding her that I was the minister and she was the secretary, but I thought that might push her over the edge. The next day, her husband, my pastor, took me off into a distant classroom and very gently told me that I must be very careful with her—that she worked very hard and that people really appreciated her and I had hurt her feelings badly. When I asked him exactly what I had done to hurt her feelings, he said he couldn't quite say, but I had. I began to realize something was really wrong, but remember I was naïve.

Brother Roy and Rose had adopted a son who had major problems; they were constantly making excuses for his behavior and paying his speeding tickets, and I knew from the kids in the youth group that he was headed for trouble. Once when I tried to offer some youth minister advice, he quickly changed the subject, then later said to be sure not to mention anything to his wife about the boy. We had a famous evangelist come to speak and my pastor put him in the dumpiest motel in town. He even deceived the congregation about the offering we received for our guest, saying to me, "My wife said we couldn't give him that much! She said we need to be more frugal."

One of the last straws was the day I called our office supplier; the clerk sarcastically said "Shall we bring it out to the curb?"

What do you mean?" I asked.

"Your secretary always has us bring it to the curb so she doesn't have to put a penny in the parking meter."

"No, I'll be glad to come in for it." Which I did, very humbly muttering our church name to the clerk and hoping no one recognized me. I learned some great lessons there:

Naivete is a great quality, if you can afford it.

If the pastor's wife is in charge, you probably don't want to work there.

Frugal is a nice sounding way to say tightwad.

If you're embarrassed to mention your church in public, you definitely don't want to work there.

Brother Don

The famous evangelist took a liking to me and recommended me to a church in another state. Talk about greener grass, it was five times bigger, had a TV ministry, and was even closer to the grandparents. Unfortunately, the salary was the same. We bought a house, had lots of youth workers helping out, and I could snap my fingers and have 100 kids at just about anything. The pastor was incredible; older, wiser, very fatherly, always giving me advice and insight into people and situations. After a year, I attended a national youth pastor's conference and was introduced to the biblical concept of discipleship. I asked the Lord to give me three Timothys.

Noting that I was often gone from the office, Brother Don asked me in staff meeting where I was spending my afternoons. "Discipling Eddie M., Eddie H., and Jimmy K.," I told him. When he inquired as to what that meant, I explained the concept of investing my life into others that they might do the same and so on. He looked puzzled and then said we were starting a discipleship program and I shouldn't be wasting my time with those boys. "Really?" I said.

"Oh yes," he replied. Reaching into his desk drawer, he pulled out a charm bracelet with twelve profiles hanging from it. "See this? Next month, we start a Sunday school campaign on the Twelve Disciples. If you come to Sunday school twelve weeks in a row, you'll get a charm for each disciple."

Not yet having learned the art of keeping my mouth shut, I blurted out "And you call that discipleship?"

"Why certainly," he replied. And we went on with business.

Later, he summoned me to his office and chewed me out. "Who did you think you are, questioning my authority and my leadership?" He shouted. Then he pulled out my job description, threw it at me, and told me to go over it, determining what I wasn't doing. When I asked when he wanted it back, he snapped, "No hurry!" and turned away. I went to my office, worked on my job description, made sure I was doing all of it, and then wrote in the extra things I was doing that weren't on it. Leaving it on his secretary's desk, I went home and told my wife about my interesting day.

The next morning he was waiting for me. The veins in his neck were bulging and his baldhead turned red. He was actually rather scary, accusing me of insubordination and of turning the youth against him. I apologized for things I'd never even thought of, trying to figure out exactly what it was I'd done wrong. It was downhill from there; a few weeks later, there was a secret board meeting (no one who was involved in ministry with me was there, incidentally). The next day I was fired, given a check for one month's pay, and basically ordered off the property.

The next Sunday, it was announced that I'd been dismissed for "failure to fulfill my responsibilities." I was devastated. This was the first ministry that I felt like I had actually made a difference in some students' lives. My reputation, my integrity, and my future in ministry all seemed wrecked. Plus we were pretty much broke. I learned some hard lessons:

The grass is never really greener over there.

Never trust anyone until they've proven trustworthy.

Biblical convictions must never be compromised, even if they get you fired.

Unemployment compensation covers fired ministers in some states.

Brother Jim

After four months, a church finally hired me. When we'd been forced to sell our house, the lawyer at the closing recognized me from the television ministry and asked what had happened. When I told him, he encouraged me to sue. "You'd win easy," he said. "Not an option," I replied and moved my wife, my son, and my broken heart to a small inner-city church stuck somewhere in the 1950s.

I've never made a move without some sense of God's leadership, but this became a mess. Brother Jim was very concerned for his flock, especially the senior adults. His wife had to be the center of everything, constantly reminding us of her cultured upbringing. Brother Jim was always trying to get me to come to useless meetings. When I asked him why he went to the useless meetings, he said, "I want to keep my job!"

The leading members talked endlessly about the good old days when the church was flourishing. Most of those doing the talking had been born and raised in the neighborhood, but had fled to the suburbs as the area had changed. They faithfully drove into town to their lovely old sanctuary and did everything they could to keep it an inviting place. At my request, they even put up a basketball goal in the parking lot for the students. They bought a bus for us to take youth trips.

They couldn't have been more supportive until I asked to use the bus for ministry to a local orphanage. The board refused my request. When I asked why, the chairman said, "Well Brother Michael, you know some of those kids might offend our members."

For a moment I couldn't grasp his logic. Then I realized what he meant; "You mean that those kids aren't welcome at our church because some of them aren't white?" I asked incredulously! Brother Jim just stood there saying nothing. He really did want to keep his job. I resigned. Several of the members tried to get me to say that Brother Jim had driven me off, but that wasn't true. My own sense of justice had driven me away. I've never been back, but I sure learned some valuable lessons:

Spend lots of time in the interview process focusing on the pastor's wife's body language.

Don't accept a church bus with limitations.

Keeping your job is seldom worth it.

C. J.

After a brief para-church venture I landed at another mega-church as part of a multi-staff youth ministry team. The pastor seemed to be a real visionary and took me under his wing. One day he said, "After me, you're the most effective staff member we have." Man, that felt good, especially after my previous experiences. I was his loyal follower until the fatal staff retreat. He wanted our opinions on the key to spiritual growth in our church. After much prayer, I told him that he was the key; that we as a staff would follow his lead and the folks in the pews would follow suit; if he was seeking God, it would filter down—sounded pretty biblical to me. In front of the entire staff, he said, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

Several of the staff warned me I was in trouble but I can be determined, even stubborn. I checked my attitude, made sure I was doing my job, and waited. Before long the personnel committee asked for my resignation. When I asked for a reason, they couldn't give me one. I said, "Give me a reason and I'll resign."

Growth had led to major parking problems, so the staff was required to park at a nearby mall. One Sunday after the service, I came out to the car to find my wife sobbing. Our 8-year-old son was severely disabled, and we had a handicap sticker allowing us to use the disability spaces. On our car was a hand written note signed by C.J. stating that "staff were forbidden to use the parking lot!" I was enraged! I plotted his murder! I would firebomb his house. I thought of hundreds of ways to do him in.

Over the next several weeks, I became so ill with bitterness that I was hospitalized. Finally I asked God to forgive me, then went to my pastor and discretely confessed my bad attitude, asking his forgiveness. (I didn't say I had planned to kill him, thinking that imprudent.) He warned me to watch myself, that I was headed for trouble. Within the year, I resigned, knowing I couldn't work under those conditions. I took a job pumping gas at a service station. Talk about lessons:

Watch out for smooth talking pastors.

Telling the truth can get you into serious trouble.

Murder is not an option.

Brother Joe

I was done with ministry. We joined a church across town and I pumped gas; it was one of the happiest times of my life. Then Brother Joe asked me if I would consider the church's part-time youth position. I reluctantly agreed, and the ministry exploded. Just like God to do that to me; at least the gas station didn't explode! After 3 months, Brother Joe said the board wanted me to come full-time. I was pretty gun shy, but I agreed. Brother Joe was a very unusual man, very earthy, but also very godly. We moved into a very nice church-owned home and began to work in earnest.

Soon Brother Joe asked me why my wife was not returning his wife's phone calls. "I think she's afraid to; she's been hurt by lots of pastor's wives," I replied. A few days later Joe called me into his office where I found my wife, looking rather surprised. Then Joe opened the back door of his office and his wife Joyce entered. Everyone sat down and he prayed something like; "Father, we know Michael and Jane have been hurt by lots of people. Show them that we only mean them good. Amen." Then Joyce explained to Jane that she was sorry for all that had happened to her, and that she couldn't fix that, but that she was a minister's wife who needed friends and she couldn't think of a friend that she'd rather have than Jane. Jane cried. Joyce cried. I cried. Joe said "Amen". The women went out to lunch to celebrate their new friendship. Joyce treated for lunch and as they shopped afterwards, she bought my wife a very nice dress that wasn't on sale.

We had a church van that I used for youth events, sometimes taking students out by just grabbing the keys and leaving. I got back from one such spontaneous trip to find Joe waiting for me. "Did you take the van during lunch today?" he asked.

"Sure," I replied. "I took a group of kids out to lunch. We had a blast!"

"And did you tell the secretary when you got the keys; 'Sometimes it's better to ask forgiveness than permission?'"

Thinking fast, I muttered something like "I might have said something like that."

Joe's response was, "So you didn't notice that the bus was signed out for the senior adult trip?"

"Guess not," I said with my winningest grin. He took me into his office, dressed me down, and told me I was a 'Jacob,' a manipulator, and that I should be fired. Then he told me he was willing to work with me, to help me get this defect out of my character if I would submit to his direction. Thinking the option was termination, I agreed. For a year, he spent time with me, working on my character. I became a changed man, no longer a manipulator. Joe loved me enough not to fire me when I deserved it.

Our disabled son Jonathan got sick and spent several days in the hospital. After we'd been there around the clock for 3 days, Joe and Joyce showed up one night and announced that they would spend the night with Jonathan, that we were to go home and get some rest. When we protested, he said, "That's an order." So we went home and cried ourselves to sleep, unable to believe that we were loved so much.

I served at that church almost six years before God put me on the road as a speaker. Leaving my students was hard; leaving my leadership team was harder; leaving Joe almost killed me. I've met very few men for whom I would gladly lay down my life. Joe is the most godly man I've ever met. He's the kindest man I've ever met. He restored my hope in pastors. Today I'm going over to his house to help him set up his computer, and I'd gladly do anything within my power for him. Lessons, you ask?

God has agents everywhere. We just have to wait for them to show up sometimes.

God has an agenda and a schedule, and they're not mine.

Quality by its very nature is rare. Quality men and women are even more rare.

Suffering is usually worth what it costs to learn the lesson.

One Joe is worth all the other pastors I've known.